A man knows he is getting old when .... (work in progress. More will be added as the ravages of time take their toll)
he walks by the Student Union and no-one gives him a flyer for a rave night
his trips to the barber become infrequent, but gradually quicker
the barber stops sweeping the floor around the chair after cutting his hair
the barber asks if he would like to have his eyebrows trimmed
he goes to a barber rather than a unisex hairdresser
he can no longer stay awake to watch Election Night coverage on TV
he can no longer stay awake past 10:30pm to watch Newsnight
he starts noticing mothers rather than their daughters
his family start to think that slippers are a good Christmas present for him
he starts forgetting people's birthdays
he starts forgetting his own birthday
he seriously considers entering a Reader's Digest Prize Draw
he finds the jokes in Reader's Digest cutting-edge
he watches The Mighty Boosh and says, 'I don't get it'
he looks forward to watching repeats of George and Mildred 'because it's a classic'
he goes on a day trip to Scarborough and all he wants to do is find a cafe for a 'nice cup of tea and a sit-down'
his students say 'wow, I wasn't even born then'
his students ask, 'what was the Cold War?'
his students ask, 'what's a VHS tape?'
the Conservatives with whom he argues on Facebook were not even born when Thatcher was destroying the country
he visits museum exhibitions about the 1970s and feels homesick
he is the only one in a room of one hundred students with a pen
he is asked, 'you still use powerpoint?'
he thinks Clouds are white fluffy things that float in the sky and inspire poets
he discovers that he is now older than his teachers were when he was at school
he starts saying 'Christmas is really for the kids, isn't it?'
he starts complaining, 'these singers today, I can't understand a word they're saying'
he schedules his day around Bargain Hunt
he schedules his day
he watches The Sweeney and The Professionals on ITV 4 and feels sad
he starts making lists of ways he knows he is getting older ...