Tuesday, 6 November 2012

Tender Melancholy

A man knows he is getting old when .... (work in progress. More will be added as the ravages of time take their toll)

he walks by the Student Union and no-one gives him a flyer for a rave night

his trips to the barber become infrequent, but gradually quicker

the barber stops sweeping the floor around the chair after cutting his hair

the barber asks if he would like to have his eyebrows trimmed

he goes to a barber rather than a unisex hairdresser

he can no longer stay awake to watch Election Night coverage on TV

he can no longer stay awake past 10:30pm to watch Newsnight

he starts noticing mothers rather than their daughters

his family start to think that slippers are a good Christmas present for him

he starts forgetting people's birthdays

he starts forgetting his own birthday

he seriously considers entering a Reader's Digest Prize Draw

he finds the jokes in Reader's Digest cutting-edge

he watches The Mighty Boosh and says, 'I don't get it'

he looks forward to watching repeats of George and Mildred 'because it's a classic'

he goes on a day trip to Scarborough and all he wants to do is find a cafe for a 'nice cup of tea and a sit-down'

his students say 'wow, I wasn't even born then'

his students ask, 'what was the Cold War?'

his students ask, 'what's a VHS tape?'

the Conservatives with whom he argues on Facebook were not even born when Thatcher was destroying the country

he visits museum exhibitions about the 1970s and feels homesick

he is the only one in a room of one hundred students with a pen

he is asked, 'you still use powerpoint?'

he thinks Clouds are white fluffy things that float in the sky and inspire poets

he discovers that he is now older than his teachers were when he was at school

he starts saying 'Christmas is really for the kids, isn't it?'

he starts complaining, 'these singers today, I can't understand a word they're saying'

he schedules his day around Bargain Hunt

he schedules his day

he watches The Sweeney and The Professionals on ITV 4 and feels sad

he starts making lists of ways he knows he is getting older ...

No comments:

Post a Comment